They say one should never speak ill of the dead. I try to follow that always. Sometimes I find it hard to do though, if the dead was really not a nice person in real life. Instead of speaking ill of someone not so nice who has died, I try to take into consideration the feelings of those that loved them. I have a theory that even the most hated person on the planet has at least 1 person who loved them and would care that they were gone. My heart goes out to that person. Clearly they would have seen something in that hated person that died for them to morn the loss. I find that no one is the same with everyone. We all have different ways of behaving depending on who we are with. I have seen some of the meanest people I know be so gentle with their children. I believe everyone has a little good in them, that is why I try to never speak ill of someone that has done me wrong. I think instead of those that loved that person and of how they will miss the person the died. It is not fair to them one to bring up something their loved one did while they were alive that was not so nice. Everyone wants to think of the ones they love as going to a better place when they pass on. We all hope they are in heaven and that maybe some day we will see them there. No one wants to think that maybe they will not be waiting for them there when it is our time to go.
What do you do though with those bad feelings you are holding inside about someone who passed who was mean to you? I knew a man one time who took advantage of his friend's daughter and when he died the girl was happy, because she knew he would not hurt any other little girls. On the flip side of that was the man's wife a wonderful woman who was kind to everyone and who took her husband's passing hard. She loved him very much, and missed him. For her to have been told how evil her husband had been in his life would have crushed her needlessly. The girl had never told her what her husband had did to her for that very reason, she did not want to hurt his wife.
My best advice for anyone who is trying to keep bad feelings for someone who did them wrong when that person was alive is, instead of trying to keep them inside to bury them in the grave with the person that died, and never think of them again. Let those feelings pass on with the person that caused them.